Tuesday 6 April 2010

The Bunny Boiler - Chapter 1

 Jamie was amazing. He was funny, intelligent, had a wonderful personality and to top it all off, he was incredibly good-looking. But Jamie had baggage, and that baggage came in the form of Kate.
    It wasn't planned. We both had the same class and after we got talking, it was like something clicked into place. We got on instantly, felt comfortable with one another and most importantly, could be honest. At first it started out as a great friendship, but as time went on we both realised that there was definitely something between us.
    Getting together was clearly not even an option. Jamie was Kate's and I was certainly not going to ruin a year long relationship.
    But things changed when Jamie phoned me up sounding miserable and upset claiming that Kate was being completely unreasonable and this time they had broken up for good. A few weeks later, we had started seeing each other.
    It was my idea to keep it a secret until Kate moved on as well, and for the first month everything was going incredibly well. 

"Jamie's taking me out tonight," I whispered ecstatically to my best friend, Mikey, who was the only one at the time who knew. He smiled at me and I continued, "We're going to that new French place and afterwards to the theatre,"
"Lovely. Just make sure you dress well. None of those tightless dresses. It's about -2 outside," he joked (although I did take his advice).
    That night, Jamie and I settled in to the warmth of the restaurant, ordered rather a lot of food and talked and laughed. Everything was so picture perfect; a lovely warm fire at the far corner of the restaurant, food so delicious that you never wanted it to end, and of course, the great company.
     But then it all gets ruined.
     "Jamie?" a shrill voice comes from a few tables away. We both turn to be greeted by Kate.
    "Kate! Hello," I say with a smile,although inside I just want to die. She doesn't say much. Just looks at Jamie, and then back at me. I can practically hear the clocks in her brain working to put 2 and 2 together.
    And then it clicks.
    "OH. MY. GOSH!!!" she exclaims in full volume, the restaurant echoing her voice. Jamie has emerged from his seat and is trying to quieten her down.  "I CANNOT believe this!!" tears are escaping from her eyes. I grab her hand to reassure her that nothing is actually going on (obviously a lie but what can you do?) but she just shakes it off. "Get off me!!" she screams.
     OK. This is now officially a scene.
    "Kate, please calm down. What are you getting so worked up about?" I try to sound jokey, hoping that everyone who has glued their eyes to us will kindly avert them and go back to eating.
    "What am I getting so worked up about?? Umm, well, where do I begin?" she patronises. "How about the fact that you're here with MY BOYFRIEND!!" her yelps are making my eardrum pound.
    "We broke up," Jamie is saying. "Katie, we broke up."
    Two waiters have walked over and are asking me to move this outside but I tell them it's just a misunderstanding that will be resolved.
    "You said we needed a break!" Kate is shouting at Jamie. Her tears are causing her make-up to melt away. There's masses of them. I'm expecting to see an Alice in Wonderland style scene any minute, where I will be washed away through a keyhole.
    "Please stop crying," I stand up and try to put an arm around her. She pushed it away with quite a lot of force.
    I turn to see that the entire two tables behind us are filled with Kate's cousins, aunts, brothers, uncles - the list went on and on. I try to smile at them but they're just scowling. A woman rises from the table and walks over to us.
    "Kate, dear," she says. I'm assuming this is her mother. They have exactly the same hair - colour and style. "Just come back and sit down, love. Don't get yourself worked up," but she isn't listening. She's crying hysterically as if someone's actually died.
    The two waiters tap Jamie's shoulder and whisper that we're causing a scene and disturbing the other guests. "I can't bloody help that, can I?" he responds. I feel for him. It couldn't have been easy to see his ex fall into little pieces right in front of him, and on top of that, the family that he's spent so long convincing how much of the perfect guy he was, to be looking at him in utter disappointment.
    "WE DIDN'T BREAK UP!" Kate keeps saying over and over again. "WE WERE ON A BREAK!"
    Jamie looks at me. I can see that he wants to reassure me but he can't in front of Kate's family.
    "Kate, please come back and sit down," her mother tries again but it's of no use.
    "NO!" she screams out like a little girl.
   "We went through this. We broke up, remember?" Jamie is explaining to her again hoping that she'll see sense. There's no answer from her. She's now on the floor clutching her arms like a small child.
    OK, where are the cameras?  Clearly this has got to be a joke. 
    "We're just 2 friends going out for dinner," I say rather loudly hoping she'll hear.
    "You're lying!" she shouts back. Well, yes. I honestly thought that would help.
    "I knew you'd cheat on me with her!!" she's turned to Jamie now. "Ever since that time when I saw you two walking together. I knew it! I knew you'd do this to me!!" She's so angry and her face is in such a scowl that it's hard to imagine what she looks like normally.
    "I'm not cheating!!" Jamie says. "We broke up!"
    "Oh please! This has clearly been going on for ages. I'm not stupid!" Kate continues to scream.
    Well, clealy you are because you're sitting on the floor in the middle of a restaurant crying your eyes and occasionally grabbing a baguette and throwing it!

I'd like to say that this whole thing only lasts a few minutes and soon the misunderstanding has been resolved and life goes on as normal. But that doesn't happen.
    After Kate refuses to get up, two of her uncles try to lift her from the floor. They fail. She just sits there crying and screaming at how she's been betrayed and keeps repeating over and over again that she'll never trust another man again.
    The manager tries to tell the family to get her out, but they all just shout at him and say that she's having a breakdown and moving her would do more harm than good.
    I have no idea what to do. What would you do?

A couple of hours later, it's all ended and Jamie and I are out of the restaurant. One of Kate's aunt managed to persuade her to go home, and luckily she obeyed.
    "We're not cheating," I say to Kate's mum. But she just looks at me like I'm scum and walks away. If looks could kill...

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