Thursday, 10 June 2010

The Bunny Boiler - Chapter 3

We're all aware of a 'Nairtini'.  We've all seen Gossip Girl and we've all seen that young ladies can be incredibly vicious to one another especially over a guy - so much so, that they're willing to sink so low as to singe another girls' hair out of spite.  It appears funny when it's part of a make-belief story line on TV, but it does not compare to anything when it happens to you.  
    Now, I have to say.  It has never happened to me.  Fortunately for me (and very unfortunately for my friend) the carelessly and angrily thrown dollop of the hair-removal cream targeted for me, landed on Tia's golden hair.  She was oblivious to what this cold cream actually was to begin with, but once it's familiar fumes fused into her nose, sheer panic took over and she ran to the bathroom screaming.  Despite it only being in contact with her hair for less than a minute, the results were still devastating and she emerged from the bathroom her hair wispy and thin, sobbing her heart out. 

And the perpetrator?  Who else but Psycho-Kate!


The end of February was marked with an incredibly (and unlikely) warm day.  Daffodils had emerged early that year signifying the arrival of Spring, and with the sunny weather came sunny smiles.  Everyone seemed so content and at ease with the world.  
    Well, everyone apart from Kate who seemed to stand in every corridor corner that I would pass with arms crossed like a petulant child with a miserable smile on her face.  You'd think that a couple of months on and she'd be over it, but apparently not. 
    I ignored her, despite the fact that it was getting harder and harder to do so.  The evil glares and petty whispers when I walked past were getting old, and it took a lot of my self-control not to reach for her throat and squeeze.  Hard. 
    But I had promised Jamie I would behave myself and since he now seemed to cope with ignoring her so marvelously well, I thought I would have no problem doing the same thing. 


That evening was my friend Mikey's birthday party.  Considering his birthday was set at his lavish house, there weren't that many people that declined the invitation and pretty soon the entire house was filled with what appeared to be hundreds of people. 
   The party was amazing, and after we shooed out everyone we weren't particularly close to, the party truly started as we hung around the living room drinking and chatting. 
    "You're my bestest ever friend," Mikey swirled his words as he hugged me.  The intoxicating smell of Malibu was surrounding me so I gently pushed him away.
    "You too," I replied as he fell like a heavy heap on the sofa and seconds later fell asleep. 
    The rest mocked him for a while at his light-headedness and then resumed with the chatting. 
    "Umm, I don't think you're going to like this," Sofia came running into the living room.  All eyes averted to her.  "I'm afraid Kate's here," she said cautiously, scanning my expression. 
    "Why?  She wasn't even invited!  Mikey hates her!" Jamie pointed out looking concerned.  His gaze turned to me expecting me to say something, but I wasn't too sure what to say.  I just looked at Sofia and shrugged indicating that I didn't care. 
     But I did care.
    I hated the fact that she had thrown herself yet again into another moment of my life - one that I should have been enjoying with my friends and my boyfriend. 
    "Would you like me to tell her to go?" Mikey's older sister spoke.  "After all, this is my house," she laughed lifting her glass of red wine, spilling it slightly on her sleeping brother. 
    "No, I'll tell her," I said, lifting myself up off the floor.  "Who's she here with?"
    "I think Danielle must have brought her and it looks like neither of them left," Sofia sat down next to her boyfriend and huddled herself in his arms, a loud yawn escaping her mouth. 
    "Perhaps you should just leave it," Jamie rose from his seat clasping my hand in his.  "I don't think we need another scene.  If she joins us here we'll just ignore her.  And plus, Danielle's a sensible girl.  She wouldn't want to be in anyone's way,"
     His words made sense so I sat back down. 


Ten minutes later, two heavily 'make-uped' girls entered the living room.  Too much foundation and a serious lack of clothes made them both look hideous.  I wanted to grab a face wipe and run it  along their faces.
    "Hello Jamie," Kate spoke attempting her most charming smile. 
Jamie ignored her and poured himself another drink.  Awkwardness suddenly swept across the whole room,which was only interrupted but an unconscious hiccup escaping Mikey's mouth. 
    "Were you two invited?"  Mikey's sister crossed her arms defensively, her tough demeanor showing.  With her icey stare she actually made Danielle take two steps back. 
    "Oh, we're very good friends with Mikey, actually," Kate declared, her face inventing an innocent smile. 
    "You're really not.  In fact he hates you," I say, not lifting my head from the floor. 
   They both enter the room properly.  "Oh no.  We're rather close," Kate continues.  She sits opposite me as close to Jamie as she can possibly get.  "Perhaps the two of you aren't as close as you actually think,"
    Evil bitch, I think.  Mikey and I are inseparable.  I'd think I would know if he's suddenly taken a shine to the most psychotic girl on the planet.  
    "We've actually got some history," a sly smile sweeps across her face as she turns to Jamie.  What a cheap attempt to make him jealous.  And such a moronic attempt too - you'd be a fool not to realise that Mikey's taste isn't...how do I put this...feminine. 
    Everyone looks at the floor, trying to hold back their laughter.  Jamie mouths to me not to antagonise her.  But I can't help it.
    "Really?" I say pretending to be intrigued.  "And when was this?"
    "Quite recently actually.  He's really, rather good," she turns towards Jamie again when she says this. 
    "Wow!  I had no idea.  He never told me he had started a relationship," I say and look over to Tia who is nudging me with her elbow.  I ignore her. 
    Completely oblivious to the fact that everyone is laughing at her, Kate carries on, "I'm just as shocked as you about this.  But he just finds me irresistible," she sighs. 
    I'm so glad Mikey is unconscious for this because he would have a heart attack. 
    "Let me congratulate you then.  I didn't think it was possible,"
    "You didn't think what was possible?" she's eyeing me up and down - you can tell she hates me. 
    "Well, to turn someone straight," I don't know how I said this while keeping a straight face.  "I was pretty convinced he was gay.  In fact, it was just last week we were discussing the finer points of Orlando Bloom,"
    "He's NOT gay," Kate spits out.  Her face turning crimson from the rage.  "He's my boyfriend!"
    "Oh, well then my apologies.  I didn't realise you were a man!" I snap back. 
   Everyone's attempts to sustain their laughter fails.  Chants of giggles are heard around the living room.  Jamie probably laughing the loudest. 
    Kate gets up with force.  That trademark scowl once again glaring down at me.  Everyone flinches a bit - too scared to move incase she goes psychotic again.  But to everyone's surprise she just leaves.  Danielle following her. 


    "I have no idea how you put up with her and this whole situation," Tia states.
    "Hey!" Jamie chimes in, "She puts up with it because I'm so adorable," he smiles at me, that heavenly smile which made me realise all those months ago just how much I liked him. 
    "Well, I couldn't do it," Tia says.
    "That is why, my dear, I am sooo glad that I didn't take a shine to you," Jamie teased.  "Can you imagine?  I'd have been dumped on the first date,"
    My mind darts back to that first date I had with Jamie, with Kate marching over, tears spilling from her eyes and that alarmingly loud voice which is making me worry more and more that one day I may get tinnitus. 
    "I didn't realise she was that bad," I hear people saying this.  The conversation of Kate still a hot topic. 
    I want to change the subject.  I hate the fact that people may be feeling sorry for me, or worse feeling sorry for Jamie. 
    "What appalling taste you have," I say to him with a slight smile. 
    "I have amazing taste," he gently nudges my leg.  "She wasn't really 'taste' - more like temporary insanity on my part,"
    "Who knew it would lead to permanent insanity on her part," Sofia's boyfriend laughs. 
    As the laughter dies down, our attention is drawn to footsteps emerging from the hall.
    "Who's that?" I ask Mikey's sister.  "I thought your parents weren't back until tomorrow morning,"
    "That's what I thought too," she emerges from her seat and goes to inspect. 
From the living room we hear her say, "Oh, it's you two.  Can you please leave.  You weren't even -"
    But her words stopped short as Kate runs past her holding a bowlful of something.  Angrily she lunges it screaming:
    "I HATE YOU!!"
    Before anyone can realise what is happening, Tia is covered in the stuff and Kate and Danielle just run out of the house. 
    "Oh no," I say when I realise.
    "What is that stuff?" the boys ask in unison.
    Tia runs off screaming and I soon follow.  "It's OK.  We'll get it out," I say.        
    Sofia and I try to wash it off, but with the hair strands falling into the bath tub we know that some damage has already been done.  Mikey's sister hands us towels to dry her off.  Tia looks in the mirror, the colour in her cheeks draining completely as she sees her uneven hair, spiky in places and long in others. 
    "Bloody hell," she manages, rather calmly. 
   "Just you wait until I get her back for this," Sofia says.  "She's such an insane troll,"
    I feel a pang of guilt.  After all, the 'Nairtini' was meant for me.  "I'm so sorry," I tell her, trying to smooth down her hair so it doesn't look as obvious.
    "It's not your fault," she tells me.  Her eyes welling up a little as she scans the damage. 
    "Right, ladies.  I think it's time for a revenge plan," I inform. 

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