Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. This princess would sit in her room, staring down at her humble kingdom, twirling her hair and sighing at the heavens, "Oh, when will my Prince arrive?"
Just when she was giving up hope, the drumming sounds of a horse's gallop is heard in the distance. The Princess leans out in curiosity, her eyes wide in awe, watching a handsome Prince stride towards her kingdom. Innocently she smiled and clasped a hand to her chest, looking up at the bluest of skies and thanked whoever was watching. Excitedly she ran downstairs reaching the front port just as the Prince arrived.
The Prince jumps off his horse and bows down to the Princess. "You are the most beautiful creature I have ever beheld," she states.
The Princess courtses and clutches on to her Galliano gown (or whatever the Medieval version was) and blushes like a summer rose. She smiles at her Prince and knows that her long days of waiting have finally ended and she will spend the rest of her life it utter bliss.
The Prince puts his hand to the small of her back. With the other he gently brushes her (expensively cut, coloured and blow-dried) locks off her face and caresses his lips with hers until finally kissing her so passionately that a maid watching in the distance faints. He then pulls away and says, "We shall go on the best date ever. I will take you to the most amazing restaurant in Paris. And even to the cinema afterwards. You may choose whatever you want to watch,"
The Princess' eyes form tears of happiness that the Prince kisses away...
...And then she wakes up.
"Shit! I fell asleep!" I curse loudly as I move myself off the bed. What was supposed to be half an hour of reading, turned into three hours of sleeping and it is now 5 o' clock and I'm supposed to be meeting Carl at the cinema in exactly one hour.
I scramble to my feet and search my room hurriedly. I'm taking hold of clothes but nothing is registering in my head as a wearable outfit.
"Jeans!" I yell at myself. "Oh where the bloody hell are those bloody jeans!" I search my chest of drawers, throwing stuff behind me in a desperate search. "Aha!" I say when I finally find a decent pair, and then turn around noticing the clothes covered floor of my room for the first time.
That's odd. That was tidy a minute ago.
I barely have time to re-touch my make-up so I just powder my cheeks and hope that the eyelashes-stuck-together look is in season. I crumple my hair a bit telling myself that I'm going for that Kate Moss messy look (as if I really have any other choices), and finally spritz myself with a perfume. And then choke because the nozzle is aimed at my face.
I avert my eyes to the clock. It screams 5:15 at me and I panic as I realise that it's going to take me another 50 minutes to get to the cinema. "Crap!" I say and run outside, grabbing my bag in the process. I look like a loon trying to put my Converse on whilst hopping, but I'm past caring. I phone Carl to tell him that I'm on my way, but it's just going straight to voicemail.
So I run.
And finally make it there fifteen minutes early. "Oh," I sigh in disappointment as I spot the time. I could have walked.
Carl shows up ten minutes later, and smiles when he sees me. "You look...nice," he says eyeing up my hair, which by now looks more Amy Winehouse than Kate Moss.
I attempt to smooth it out with my hands as I explain to him the fact that I dosed off.
"Shall we go in?" he asks waving a hand towards the cinema. I nod in agreement and let him lead the way. I catch sight of my reflection as we walk past the door. I look like a grungy sixteen year old - my hair is indescribable, my outfit reeks 'teenager', and whenever I blink my eyelashes clump together.
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
"Hmm, what shall we see?" Carl asks as he scans the films.
"I don't mind. Whatever you want," I say politely, but secretly I'm hoping that he'll either pick a comedy or an action adventure.
I glance at him as he's deciding. I suppose he's good looking, in that not very obvious sort of way. But you can't fault the guy on having an amazing personality. His jokes and stories have me in stitches and for once I was really looking forward to this date because I knew that even if it doesn't lead to a second one, we would have a damn good time.
"Fancy watching Saw?" he says, his eyes looking at me in anticipation.
"I'm not very good with gory, scary stuff," I tell him, scanning the latest Saw movie. I shiver just at the thought of it.
"You'll be fine. It's not like it's real. Plus, I'll be here to hold your hand," he says, winking at me. I suppose all guys want to show off on the first date. They always pick the most scary film to show off how brave they are.
"Fine," I agree lacking enthusiasm ever so slightly.
Halfway through the film and I believe I have watched a total of five minutes. The remainder of the time I have shut my eyes and blocked my ears. I squirm in my seat at the odd violent sounds I hear, and scream out loud when my eyes open to be greeted with horrific scenes.
This. Is. Horrible.
I have already knocked my popcorn over and my drink has rolled to the other side of the cinema as I accidentally kicked it out of fright (I thought something was grabbing my leg), and all this time, Carl has not reassured me once. I look over at him, completely content in his seat, watching the movie like he's watching a sitcom. Meanwhile, I just want to throw up.
I nudge him to grab his attention. He tears himself away from the screen and looks at me annoyed. "Can we leave?" I ask him.
"No," he says, and I'm left taken aback. Any fool could see that I'm incredibly uncomfortable.
"Please," I say again. "I'm really not enjoying this," I tug at his sleeve and wince at the sounds I'm hearing in the background. But Carl is too enthralled by the movie. He's paying no attention to me. I attempt again. "Look, I can't watch this," I'm hoping he'll understand. But he just turns to me, a look of anger sweeping across his face.
"I paid to see this movie. So I'm going to see it. Understand?" he snaps quietly and I sink in my seat like a scolded child, fingers still in my ears. I think I've just seen a side to him that I haven't noticed before. I'm too scared to interrupt him again, so quietly and carefully I leave. He's barely noticed.
I walk out of the cinema feeling a little confused and wondering desperately where all the gentlemen are. I wanted a date with the Prince, not with the dragon.